I made a new friend last week…and she doesn’t go to my church! Maybe this doesn’t seem like a very big deal to you, but it NEVER happens to me. Maybe it’s because my incredible beauty is so very intimidating…{snicker} :p Or maybe my ability to converse intelligently on the complex issues of life tends to bore people… {snort} 😀
ACTUALLY….the real reason I don’t have many local friends outside my church people is because when someone introduces me to someone I don’t know they introduce me as their “Preacher’s Wife.”
That used to bother me. During our early years of ministry my husband did a lot of supply preaching. Every Sunday we were filling in at a different church. Â And every Sunday the head deacon or minister of music at each church would introduce us something like this:
“We would like to welcome Pastor Jeff Shouse and his lovely wife to our service.” Â Â OR
“We are glad to have Brother Allen Shouse’s son Jeff bring the message to us today. He is here with his lovely wife.”
Now I’m not opposed to being called “lovely” but I began to feel like a nameless, faceless person who was nothing more than my husband’s “arm candy.” In more recent years I’ve discovered that being introduced by a church member as their “pastor’s wife” is a title of respect or honor, but often it puts up barriers which make it hard for me to make friends. People tend to hold back or put on a “spiritual face” when they are in the presence of the wife of the spiritual “big cheese.”  🙂
So, last week I made a friend. She knows I’m married to a pastor…and she still wants to be my friend! Later that week I was hanging out with a good friend of mine who does go to our church. Some of her family from out of town was in for a visit and she was introducing me to them. She knows how I feel about being introduced as the pastor’s wife and how it often makes me feel like I have to put on my “church face” and talk about last week’s sermon… But this time, when she introduced me to her brother, she said “This is Stephanie. She’s my best friend!” What a great introduction! It totally made my month!
What about you? How are you usually introduced? How do you like to be introduced?
The Not-So-Perfect Pastor's Wife 
“My best friend!” Wow! So sweet! And to think, you used to be our little girl. Now you get to be called in my blog, “our eldest.” But that’s nothing. Your dad called me the Matriarch of the church staff last week at retreat. joy ; /
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More recently my friends have said “This is my friend…and she’s also my pastor’s wife.” I guess that’s an okay middle ground. What I love is when I actually get “room” to become more acquainted with people and they say things like, “Wow! You blow me away!” or “You really surprise me! I never thought being friends with a pastor’s wife could be so cool!” or “I’m sorry I put up walls when I first met you. We need to hang out more!” That blesses me and allows me to bless God for the grace!
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I love that! “my friend & my pastor’s wife” what a great way to be introduced! My husband especially likes it when people say “You’re a pastor? Really? You don’t seem like the pastor/preacher type!” That’s the best!
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I loved how you called Jeff “the Spiritual Big Cheese”….I think that should go on his business card=)
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I love when my church peeps just say “this is my friend Marcia, then they add that my husband is their pastor…” I mean it’s got to be mentioned right? It puts the garment of prestige right on us (sarcastic!). I often am in a place where I intro myself and say “My husband is the pastor of ** church” so I really do it to myself 🙂
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I was standing in the foyer with many of our elders’ and deacons’ wives who were introducing themselves to a visitor. They would say, “I’m so-and-so’s wife blah blah blah” and never even tell their name. It’s rare I lose my temper, but I did that day! When it was my turn I said, “Hi! My name is L. I have my own name. Nice to meet you.” Since that day I have made it my goal to battle the subtle and not-so-subtle misogyny that occurs inside out church buildings.
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