Gravy

Let me start by saying that cooking and I have a love-hate relationship. On one hand I can bake super yummy desserts (if I follow the recipe) and have prepared complicated dinners that turn out delicious. On the other hand my kids bought me a sign for my kitchen which says “The food is ready when the smoke alarm goes off!” Not only did their gift make me laugh, it is actually pretty helpful when we have guests, so they know not to panic at the sound of the smoke alarm…it just means it’s time to eat!

The other day I was dreading cooking supper. It had been a long day and I had forgotten to make a plan for supper. As I was standing in the kitchen praying that a Paula Dean genie would appear and grant me three wishes, my husband Jeff offered my second favorite solution to my supper dilemma: “Let’s have breakfast for supper!” (My first favorite solution, of course, is “Let’s go out/order pizza” in case you were wondering…) Breakfast for supper is a wonderful option! Throw some freezer biscuits in the oven, fry some bacon, scramble some eggs… no problem! That stuff is easy, quick, and pretty difficult to mess up (not that I’ve never messed up breakfast…but that’s another story…) But then Jeff threw in a twist: “Can you also make GRAVY?” Dun. dun. duuuun. My hopes for a simple meal crashed and burned like bacon left unattended (I should know).

For the record: I CAN make gravy. Two kinds even! I can make the gravy that you serve with roast beef and potatoes using the liquid from the crockpot, some flour, and a blender (don’t ask). And I can make sausage gravy like the kind my Mama makes every Christmas using ground sausage and some other yummy things that turn a little grease into gravy that tastes so good you have to put it on more than your biscuits! (You’ll have to ask her for the recipe~ hehe 🙂 ) But making breakfast gravy from bacon grease is a bit daunting, especially since I’m trying not to use my blender for gravy anymore since it makes my smoothies taste funny.

But my family wanted gravy, and who am I to deny them that one simple pleasure, right?  Then I remembered that at one time we used to have a monthly breakfast at church. One of the older ladies took it upon herself to teach me to make real breakfast gravy from scratch. I searched my brain to see if I remembered all the steps…I think that I do! Miracle of all miracles! I think I CAN make gravy! So, I got started. I remembered that she put the bacon grease into a pan with some flour and salt and stirred it vigorously with a fork while adding milk. Now, I also remembered that I just got new pots and pans for Christmas and was told in no uncertain terms not to use any metal utensils on them. How am I supposed to stir this gravy “vigorously with a fork” and not scratch my new pan? Aha! I have some plastic forks leftover from a recent birthday party! That’s perfect! So I get to work on the gravy. (as a side note…if you can anticipate where this story is going then you are smarter than I at this point…but please keep reading anyway…)

I’m pleasantly surprised at how smoothly the breakfast/supper preparations are going. The biscuits are in the oven, the eggs are fried, the bacon is crisp but NOT BURNT (even though the smoke alarm did go off a couple of times…) and the gravy is turning out smooth and very tasty-looking! Miracle of all miracles, I think this is actually going to work! My husband came in to check on things and I proudly showed him all my accomplishments saving the gravy, my crowning glory, for last. As I proudly stirred my gravy vigorously with my plastic fork I wanted to offer him a taste. So I lifted the fork from the gravy only to discover that the fork was GONE! All that was left was the plastic handle I was holding! I frantically searched the gravy for the rest of the fork…but to no avail. The plastic fork had become an inseparable part of our meal.

Here is where I should draw a spiritual conclusion… something like

“Pride goeth before burnt bacon and a haughty spirit before lumpy gravy.” Proverbs 16:18 (slightly paraphrased)


I prefer to refer to my experience as New Testament-worthy…after all, I did follow the biblical principle of women teaching and learning from one another:

“These older women must train the younger women to love their husbands and their children…and make gravy” Titus 2:4 (additions mine)

But I guess the thing I learned most from this experience was… don’t use a plastic fork to stir your gravy! Not very spiritual, but definitely something good to know. And in case you were wondering… yes, we DID eat the gravy. Don’t judge me! We were hungry and the gravy was good and you could barely taste the fork… plus, I hear a little plastic is good for you, right? 😉

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